Amber Lounge hit Singapore and heading off to Mexico for its next showdown. Fictious report.
Well, boys and girls, it was the time of the year when Amber Lounge visited the Far East by going to Singapore, kicking off partying, but is now heading off to the Western hemisphere to the Mexican Grand Prix and I feel it being my duty to have something written up about it.
I’m going to put my hand on my heart now and say: I was actually invited to go to Amber Lounge Singapore 2015 as press, Which is hilarious on one end when thinking: I’m typing these very lines in my brother’s former bedroom at my mum’s house in Eastern Europe, so there are a couple of reasons I may not even have to mention for why I wasn’t able to make it to the other side of the planet. On the other hand, I was genuinely rubbing shoulders with stars, royalties, supermodels, Formula 1 drivers and whatnots in Monaco in May, while holding a glass of - apparently - really expensive champagne - for free. Don’t believe me? Search for the monkey on this press photo below or read the post I’ve written about it, or see my selected - bad quality - picture gallery.
Okay, so now that we have established that I’m a basement journalist with some awesome, really exclusive experience, let’s pretend for a moment I was there. Let’s pretend I was actually able to put up the money to fly all the way to Singapore, ditching a pack of Wrigley’s Spearmint at the airport and get into the night scene of Formula 1. After all, I was invited, I just couldn’t make it, alright? That’s life. So here is what I would have said if I was there.
WARNING! The following account is fictious. I wasn’t there, but the events described did. Anything that directly involves me in this story is purely a work of fantasy. Other actions can be fact-checked. You have been warned.
I got off the plane and the first thing that hit me was the humidity. I often tend to complain about humidity at home, but this was Humidity with a capital “H”. Couchsurfing wasn’t really an option as last time, so I either had the option of the local Red Cross or just keep the partying constant and long enough not to worry about matters of sleep or anything similar.
Okay, so Singapore is pretty amazing, I tend to believe, as it is always nighttime to the rest of the world. I had a good look at the race track, which is a work of art in itself, but not as chaotic as Monaco: these roads were actually drawn up with large traffic in mind. I headed off to this hotel where Amber Lounge Singapore was set to blow the doors off. This time it was an indoors event as opposed to Monaco. The backstage is amazing as always, full of celebrities and sports people. I was wondering if I could catch someone familiar from May. I waved over to Manor’s Will Stevens, with whom I had a brief chat earlier, but not very surprisingly, he had no idea who I was. Can’t blame him, I wouldn’t remember myself either, even if I bumped into myself on my way to the loo. Well, Jessica Button was there - as pretty as ever -, absolutely kind and welcoming in all respects. I managed to tap Nico Hülkenberg on the shoulder, congratulating his Le Mans victory, but I was quickly skirted away as I - apparently - messed up his hair in the making, but he did utter a “Thanks, mate!” greeting.
The F1 Driver Fashion Show is something to witness. It’s exactly what you imagine it is: dudes in suits, although these ‘dudes’ at least are famous for their craft. When on the catwalk, one wonders why they never attempt to push each other off beyond the white line, go for a pass in the chicane at the end of the walk or just tease each other with an “I’m faster than you!” line. They all wore Ted Baker’s clothing - I imagine he designed them and they were not from his personal wardrobe. Okay, let these guys race, already.
With the models, boy, I am running out of adjectives, so here are some facts from the press release and I’ll let you enjoy the official images: they wore $10 million worth of diamonds altogether from the World of Diamonds. It was the point when I thought I was in the wrong business and should be able to at least drive a getaway car in a robbery.
And now for the images.
The party was conducted by Apl.de.ap, whom I tried to Google, but the browser thought it was a broken link, so I actually had to ask around a bit and turned out he was the DJ from Black Eyed Peas. As the music kicked in, I had to realize it was Sunday already. I don’t remember too many things afterwards, except Lisa Marie White, Miss Universe Singapore 2015 who put an end to partying.
As I said, I do not remember too many things from afterwards, so I might have wandered off town where I shouldn’t have, just around Sunday evening. Hope I didn’t cause any trouble.
Anyway, I was told I tried to mess up the Stella nine-step pouring ritual by the two winners of the World Draught Masters, trying to explain from my experience gained in English pubs that one doesn’t serve a mass of thirsty football fans like that: it’s pouring as fast as you can and duck when glasses are flying, and Stella Artois wasn’t a beverage to serve when the British team was beaten by a foreign one. I might have seen Kimi Raikkönnen trying everything Moet & Chandon, Dom Perignon, Johnnie Walker and the upcoming James Bond 007 Spectre sponsor, Belvedere vodka had to offer and I even tried my MI6 introductory line, but for some reason it all came out in my native tongue without me realizing.
It is said I deliberately crashed into Pastor Maldonaldo, attempted to push Fernando Alonso all the way to the loo while screaming “JUST A FEW MORE METRES TO THE PITS!!” and tried to read pace notes to Carlos Sainz, Jr. from the fire safety brochure, disgruntling him by mixing him up with his dad. At least I didn’t try to show off a finger to Sebastian Vettel, I might have mixed them up accidentally and presented the wrong one. I got home somehow, eventually, can’t even remember the plane.
Fact is, Amber Lounge returns for the Mexican Grand Prix at the end of October and 1st, November. Sergio Pérez will present the Checo Pérez Foundation for children in vulnerable situations, for improving their lives.
Stay safe, people.
All images are property of Amber Lounge.